“I have carried a child within my body. I’ve slept with them on my chest. I’ve kissed toes and wiped away tears. I’ve been vomited on, peed on, and spent sleepless nights cradling my child. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. My body isn’t magazine perfect but when I look in the mirror, I see a mama. And there is no greater honor, love, or blessing.”
The date of birth of our firstborn was first estimated on August 18. Like most moms, I was fully prepared for the arrival of the baby at least 14 days earlier. In my head, I had a belief that the boy would come off schedule, so earlier.
Through my pregnancy, I had some problems with high blood pressure and pregnancy diabetes. That’s why the last weeks of my pregnancy were sooo long and I admit that they affected me quite a bit mentally.
Every day I was accompanied by the same questions: Why is there nothing yet? What’s going on? I tried to work as long as possible, so I was working still 3 weeks before the birth, despite my swollen legs, fatigue, and nausea.
Nothing was happening while I was at home, not going to work anymore. I had no idea that anything was going to happen soon.
I was hospitalized in the hospital 12 days before my estimated birth date, because of high blood pressure.
After spending a week in the hospital, the problems subsided, so I went home.
Four days later, I landed in the hospital again due to high blood pressure. That’s when they decided to trigger my birth artificially.
The next morning, I was given a strip of gel that softens the cervix. Later in the afternoon, I already felt slight contractions that were getting stronger.
How is it to feel contractions?
Most compare them to menstrual cramps, only the pain is supposed to be more intense. I never had menstrual cramps, so I couldn’t imagine this feeling at all. It’s hard to describe but it feels like a strong cramp in the lower abdomen and back in the lower back that holds for about 1 minute and subsides until the next.
I went for CTG checkups during the night until 2 a.m. and there was no sign of any real contractions, so I went for an examination in the ambulance.
For almost 1 hour, I was squirming in the hallway from contractions, moaning in pain, and ugly speaking, I was sick and thought I was going to vomit.
All I heard were sounds from the delivery rooms. I admit that I was a little scared of these screams as I became more and more aware that I myself was not far from it. At that moment, questions kept popping into my head: Does it really hurt to scream like that? Is it really that bad? Will I be so loud too? And yes, I was probably even worse.
As I was waiting in the hallway, my water suddenly broke out and that’s when it really started. Finally, nurses came to me, connected me to the CTG, and left me there again for only about 40 minutes. They told me to call my partner to get ready because he will be able to be with me in about 1 hour.
Around five in the morning, they took me to the delivery room. This was during covid-19, so I had to wear a mask all the time.
Around 6.00 a.m. they inserted a painkiller and a few minutes later, Andrej was allowed to come by my side. He was dressed in a protective gown and mask.
I remember Andrej’s cute and confused face, full of fear, expectations, and above all, mixed feelings.
I could make out his thoughts from the look: Mateja, I would take the pain instead of you, but since that’s not possible, HOLD ON, I’m here with you.
My birth was quite long and natural. I can’t describe the pain in words, but I can say that it was paid for and forgotten at the same time when Izak (Isaac) was in my arms.
At 12.15 p.m. our son, Izak (Isaac), cried into the world. The new dad separated us by cutting the umbilical cord. Our baby now became an independent creature, breathing with his own lungs and singing us the most beautiful melody.
While we were happily cuddling, they patched me up with two stitches and cleaned me up.
After a while, the nurse came to check the situation then weighed and measured Isaac, put on his diaper and clothes, and placed him in the arms of his proud father.
Isaac cuddled in his father’s lap for a while, and then nurses came in. Andrej had to say goodbye, and Izak and I were taken to the ward. Isaac was completely arranged, and I was taken to the room.
What you give is what you get. It’s always like that. It’s not true?
We stayed in the hospital for almost a week, because Isaac developed jaundice.
My stay in the maternity hospital will forever remain in a wonderful memory. Despite the fact that in those times the visits were limited to the father and only to one hour, they took very good care of us.
I have no complaints about the staff, nor about the comfort and food itself.
But I would mention that I think I know why I had such a positive experience. I am convinced that if you completely surrender to the staff, trust them, and are kind to them, they will return it with a big heart, tenderness, and compassion.
What I needed (and didn’t need) from my hospital bag?
As soon as I arrived in the room, they brought me 3 packs of VIR80 and a pack of MAMA panties. Mesh panties, in case you run out of them, you can get extra.
The gown, towels, and bedding, they bring fresh every day, and if necessary, they would change it several times.
The breastfeeding nipple also came in handy with the baby, as it was easier for us to introduce ourselves with breastfeeding. But as soon as I got home, I put it away. I was also grateful for the water bottles for taking care of the hydration and my slippers on a regular basis as theirs were way too big for me.
I didn’t need anything for Isaac. Everything for changing and care is taken care of. Also for fresh clothes.
Of course, I couldn’t do without my toilet bag, in which I needed a shower gel, toothbrush, toothpaste, and lip balm the most.
I didn’t need other things.
The smart decision was to have clothes with me, for me, to go home. Everything necessary for the little Isaac was brought by the husband on the day of departure. Andrej had to bring a baby carrier (car seat) and clothes for the little one.
Arriving home
We were finally all together at home! New grandparents, aunts, and uncles were waiting for us at home. I know it meant a lot to them, and also to me. I wanted to share this moment with the people who are responsible for having this little treasure with us.
Before Isaac came, I never wanted to talk about what and how I would be after giving birth because I didn’t know how I was going to feel, how I was going to accept all of this, and how stressful it was going to be.
I have to admit that I never imagined that I would feel so great. The only thing I can say is that I am very emotional and very fragile. I cry a lot. I have a feeling that there is so much love around me that was probably with me before, but now as a mother, I feel it so much more.